The taming of the shrew
by Default Jane
Summary: A Resident Evil version of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the shrew" featuring Leon and Hunnigan. I'm joking, there's too much feminism in this for that to be true. xD Leon and Hunnigan might be a tad out of character, but I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you'll enjoy reading it as well. This was a sentence starter challenge prompt but my hand slipped and here we are. xD


Leon walked down the steps leading to the small Irish pub he liked to frequent and paused at the bottom of the stairs. He had to stare for a moment to be sure he was seeing right, but there was no doubt. The perfectly starched collar of the white shirt peeking from underneath the black jacket was a dead giveaway alone, he would've recognized it anywhere because he couldn't count the times he'd been tempted to stick his finger into the back of the collar and tug on it. He didn't know why he wanted to do that, he just did. He'd never dared to though, but today could be a good day for that.

He made his approach and was about to go ahead when the woman sitting at the bar turned her head to the side.

"Don't even think about it."  
"How'd you know it was me?" Leon asked and took a seat next to her, waving at the bartender.

"We happen to be sitting opposite of a mirror, genius," Hunnigan rolled her eyes at him.

"And here we go with the attitude. I bet this is why you're single," he smirked, instructed the bartender to leave the bottle and downed the first shot of whiskey he'd already poured for Leon.

"If I don't point out the stupid things you say and do, you will go through life without realizing how idiotic you can be, I'm doing you a favor," Hunnigan commented and took a sip of her rum and coke.

"Is there a reason as to why you're getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon?" Leon then asked, turning to face her and leaned his side to the bar.

"I could ask you the same thing."  
"I asked you first," he said and rested his head against his palm.

"I'm celebrating."

"Oh, God, getting a full answer from you is like pulling teeth," he muttered, refilled his glass and took another shot. "What are you celebrating?"

"My divorce becoming final, at last. It took forever because the jerk refused to sign the papers."

"I didn't even know you were married."  
"And why would you have known?" Hunnigan shrugged and finished her drink.

"I don't know, I've been under the impression that we're friends, but I realize you are difficult to befriend. I don't think I've ever met a more impossible woman, and that's saying something considering I seem to attract the impossible-type," Leon chuckled and offered her a shot from his bottle. She glanced at him filling her glass but didn't comment or outright refuse either.

"So, how long were you together, why'd you divorce, how many kids?" he questioned and she hung her head in defeat. Apparently, he was determined to get to know everything about her and she'd be better off just telling him because he would keep pestering her if she didn't.

"About four years, divorced because he's a narcissistic misogynist, and two."  
"Really, you have two kids?" Leon's eyes widened.

"No, I just wanted to see the look on your face if I said that," Hunnigan said and from her flat deadpan tone, he couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but considering she was at a bar at four P.M. on a Tuesday, he figured she hadn't been vexing him.

"Well, either way, congratulations on your divorce. Now that you're free of that, what are my chances of bedding you?" he inquired and she scoffed, turning to face him. She put her hand over his forearm and leaned closer, looking him in the eyes.

"Leon… only in the interest of renewing mankind would I ever sleep with you."  
"You're a cold, merciless woman, Ingrid Hunnigan, did you know that?"

"What can I say, obviously I'm a mean drunk," she shrugged and drank from the glass, to Leon's surprise not making a face at the taste of the raw whiskey or doing that whole hissing breath-thing people tended to do.  
"And let's see how warm and kind you'd be if you'd had to go through the shit I have gone through."

"Well, I mean, I have some idea of having a tough life," he smirked but she shook her head.

"No, you don't have a damn clue what it has taken me to get where I am today. I've had to fight for everything just because my reproductive organs happen to be on the inside of my body, I can't tell you how many damn times I've heard the phrase 'Is there someone from the military we could talk to, a man perhaps?' You have no idea what it's like having everything you do questioned only because of your gender. I'm more qualified to do the things I do than ten men put together, but no, the old guys in charge react only when another male repeats the things I've said."

"Okay, you're right about that, I don't know what that is like."  
"Maybe once female sperm becomes a common thing and it's made obvious that men have become obsolete, you'll start behaving like decent human beings."

"Okay, firstly, female sperm? That cannot be a thing."  
"Look it up if you don't believe me, I'm not your personal Google."

"…secondly, spoken like a true feminazi-lesbian," he taunted and Hunnigan laughed.

"I am not a lesbian. Don't get me wrong, I often wish I were! Alas, contrary to what a lot of idiots seem to believe, I can't just wake up in the morning and choose that today I shall enjoy fondling another's woman's breasts," Hunnigan said and took another sip.

"And for the record…"  
"Wait, wait, I'm still enjoying the mental image of you fondling another woman's breasts," Leon interrupted, his eyes closed.

"Anyone in particular?" Hunnigan smirked.  
"You and Helena would look good together…" he murmured.

"Well, you're not wrong. All right, knock it off," she then scoffed and slapped his shoulder softly.  
"All right, all right, you were saying?" he asked and sat up straight.

"I was saying that I'm not a feminazi either, I'm a feminist in the original meaning of the word, as in I want there to be equality between men and women. I don't go around screaming that all straight sex is rape and that men should be put to death at birth, or 'how about _you_ make _me_ a sandwich, Mister Man'."

"Would you ever make _me_ a sandwich?" Leon asked with a smile.  
"Not if you'd _tell_ me to do it in a condescending manner which implies I should be serving you just because you're a man. If you asked me to and I felt like doing it for you, then sure."

"That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside," Leon sighed happily and she chuckled.  
"Yeah, well, don't tell the rabid feminazi hordes I said that, or they'll execute me as a traitor."

"I'll trade my silence for a sandwich and a sincere compliment from you."  
"I hate you so much right now, Leon."

"No, you don't, you think I'm adorable, and by the time we're finished with this bottle, you're gonna want to take me home and make me a sandwich and say something nice about me."  
"Unless you've slipped roofies into my drink, I seriously doubt that'll happen."

* * *

Hunnigan woke up, slowly becoming aware of the warm body pressed against her back as he spooned her, Leon's chin resting on the top of her head, his arm around her and his forearm tucked snugly between her breasts, his palm flat against her collarbone and her fingers entwined with his; a position they'd evidently fallen asleep in while cuddling last night. She untangled her fingers from his, gripped his wrist and slowly and carefully lifted his arm so that she could get up without waking him.

She went to take a shower and when she entered the bathroom and glanced at herself in the mirror, she noticed the ridiculously big hickey on the side of her neck.

"Oh, for the love of God," she groaned and stepped into the shower. When she got out about fifteen minutes later in her bathrobe, she saw Leon sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so glad it's you," he said when he saw her.  
"Excuse me?" Hunnigan chuckled.

"I wasn't sure who I'd ended up with, I'm not always exactly picky, so I'm glad it was you."  
"How flattering," Hunnigan commented, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she crossed her arms over her abdomen.

"No, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just… okay, can I start over?" Leon asked and stood up slowly, taking a step toward her and reaching to put his hands over the sides of her arms.  
"Whatever, Leon," she grumbled and was about to move but he held on tighter.

"No, listen. What I meant was… I'm glad it was you and not someone I would regret being with," he said softly.  
"That's a little better," she shrugged and went to the kitchen and Leon sighed, hanging his head a little before following her.

"How do you like your sandwiches?" she smirked as she paused in front of the counter in the kitchen and he moved to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her midsection.  
"Mayo, no mustard," he mumbled into her hair as he nuzzled the back of her head for a moment before resting his chin on her shoulder. "You smell good."

"Thank you," she said and turned her head to the side to be able to glance over at him. "This would be easier if I could move without you glued to my back."

"But I like being glued to your back," Leon complained and rubbed his cheek against hers, his stubble scratching her skin. She chuckled and exhaled deeply, having to admit she quite enjoyed the feel of his arms around her and the roughness of his unshaven face. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt that way.

"I'm still not entirely convinced that you _didn't_ slip me roofies," she commented as she gathered the supplies she'd need to make the sandwich she'd promised him before.  
"I wouldn't dare," Leon scoffed amusedly. "And I just remembered you still owe me that compliment," he then reminded her and she sighed. She finished making the sandwich and handed it to him.

"I'm waiting," he teased and took a bite. It was delicious. Then again, weren't sandwiches always when someone else had made them.

"You have the most beautiful penis I have ever seen," she complimented and he inhaled the piece of bread he'd been chewing, and Hunnigan could've sworn she saw him actually blush a little.

"Well, that's, uhm… that's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," he then laughed softly. She smiled, but didn't comment. Instead, she headed back into the bedroom to get dressed. Leon finished his sandwich and followed her example, only he needed to gather his clothes from the floor, a trail of them leading from the front door to the bedroom door.

"So… what happens now?" he inquired, still buttoning up his shirt when Hunnigan emerged from the bedroom, wearing a T-shirt and jeans, running her hand through her still wet hair and ruffling it a little.  
"What do you mean?" she frowned.

"Well, I just…" he trailed off, pausing to consider his words and scratched his chin awkwardly. "That was a really good sandwich and I wouldn't mind having another one in the future, if you know what I mean," he grinned then.

"To what end, Leon?" she quirked an eyebrow and he shrugged slowly.  
"I don't know. I'm not ruling out things like marriage and a lot of little Leon Juniors running around. Unless that female sperm-thing you mentioned becomes a popular thing, then there might be a couple of Helena Juniors in the mix too," he grinned and Hunnigan guffawed at that.

"You're a ridiculous man, Leon. Never gonna happen."  
"And as I recall, you also recently said you'd never take me home and make me a sandwich, but here we are."

"Hey, it took you a decade to get this far, by the time I ever agree to marriage and children with you, I'll be too old to have kids," Hunnigan smirked.  
"You know, when you first rejected me, I told myself 'She doesn't know it yet, but that's wifey right there'," Leon sighed happily.

"Puh-leeze, like I'd ever get married again, I only just got rid of the last husband."  
"Yeah, but you know, one fucked up marriage doesn't mean they'll all be like that."

"Unless you're seriously trying to propose to me right now, I see no point in continuing this conversation," she rolled her eyes at him.  
"Look, basically what I'm saying is that I really want to see you again, and what happens after that or where it'll end up will remain to be seen, but I'd want to at least find out," Leon explained seriously.

"If I promise to think about it, will you go home?" she smirked and he chuckled, the shake of his head slowly turning into a nod.  
"Thank you for the sandwich and the lovely compliment, and I'll see you at work," he grinned and exited the apartment.

* * *

"Damn your beautiful face, your beautiful hair, and your beautiful penis," Hunnigan muttered and Leon doubled over, laughing hard.  
"You didn't have to say yes," he reminded her, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes as he slowly stood back up straight and slid the keycard into the reader to unlock the door.

"I don't know, I mean, I kind of feel like I did, because you somehow made me believe it was what I wanted."  
"Are you seriously accusing me of manipulating you? Because we both know you're way too smart for me to be able to pull off something like that."

"Nice try," she smirked.  
"See? No way I could've tricked you into this, ergo you wanted this too, end of discussion," he smirked back and pushed the door open. When she was about to step in, he put his arm in front of her to stop her.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold on a minute, I'm supposed to carry you."  
"Do you even know why people do that?" Hunnigan sighed.

"No, but I'm sure you will tell me and finish by explaining why it's a stupid superstitious tradition that doesn't even make sense anymore, and then I'm gonna carry you over the threshold anyway."

"Actually, there are a lot of stupid beliefs regarding it, one of them being that the woman might trip while stepping over the threshold and that would bring bad luck into the marriage, and of course the husband is immune to such things, he's a man after all," Hunnigan began and Leon blew out a breath slowly, finding it ironic that he was the one being lectured and nagged at about three hours after the wedding but still, _she_ was the one having doubts about the whole marriage.

"But I think that generally it symbolizes the times when it was perfectly okay to kidnap women and drag them kicking and screaming over the threshold into your house and just decide they're yours now."

"Okay, Hunny-Bunny?" Leon interrupted, using the nickname he knew she hated. "I am going to carry you over this threshold, not because I consider you my property or such nonsense, but because I've always wanted to do that. If you want to uphold traditions, feel free to kick and scream, but this is happening," he grinned and without missing a beat picked her off the floor.

She didn't kick or scream. As usual when she found herself butting heads with Leon over things like this, she discovered that she actually enjoyed doing the thing she'd so adamantly protested to until Leon had talked her into it (or occasionally –like now— just gone and done it anyway). She both loved and hated him for having that strong an effect on her.

"Fine, but we're _not_ spending the honeymoon trying to conceive, as is tradition," she remarked, her eyebrows lowering into a look of defiance and disapproval. He chuckled as he carried her across the hotel room and lowered her onto the bed.

"Are you listening to me?"  
"Yes, darling," Leon responded dutifully and smiled, leaning to kiss her and slowly settled to lie ontop of her, resting his weight on his elbows.

"Good, because we're _not_ having kids," Hunnigan stated.

"No, of course we're not, just like we didn't get married either," he grinned at her, silenced her with another kiss and broke it shortly to trail his lips along her jawline and down to the side of her neck as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and exhaled deeply when he enclosed his lips around her earlobe.

"I hate you," she breathed and he chuckled quietly before taking a moment to softly blow into her ear, knowing it was her weak spot. She inhaled sharply and her back arched a little at that.  
"I know. I love you," he whispered, and she could hear his smile, unable to keep from smiling herself when she had to admit she did really love him too.

* * *

"Oh, wow, when are you due?" Helena asked when she finally had a chance to meet Hunnigan in person for the first time in a while and noticed the rather impressive belly on the other woman.  
"In two weeks. But with my luck it'll be more like four and I'll get to spend Christmas giving birth," Hunnigan sighed and shouldered her laptop bag as she got ready to leave the office.

"Is it a boy or a girl, do you know?"  
"A girl," Hunnigan replied and grunted. "A girl who should stop kicking me," she then said, directing her words to her belly.

"She's doing laps," Helena chuckled.  
"That's certainly what it feels like," Hunnigan laughed as well as they walked along the long hallway toward the elevators.

"Have you guys decided on a name yet?"  
"Leon wants to name her Leona Rae, because that would be the combination of his first name and my middle name."

"From your tone of voice, I take it you don't agree," Helena chuckled.  
"Well, it's just... you know, Leon, Leona... they're too similar. I'll talk him out of it eventually."

"I bet he's excited about the baby, though."  
"Very much so, until he read some whiny dad's complaints about how fatherhood ruined his neck and back because he has to spend so much time looking downward as he reads to his kids or answers their questions or picks them up," Hunnigan rolled her eyes and Helena scoffed.

"What does that dude think the mothers have to endure?"  
"I know, right? Like... Jesus, how do you even have the balls to complain about that like it's only happening to you."

"Well, I'm sure Leon will get over it. He seems like the kind of a guy who would be a good father," Helena said and stepped into the elevator with Hunnigan.  
"You're right. I'm still kind of trying to wrap my head around everything, it's been a crazy couple of years."

"I can't even imagine. But as long as you two are happy, does it matter how you ended up where you are?" Helena reasoned and Hunnigan smiled.  
"You're right. It doesn't matter, we're here now and we are happy."

* * *

"Leona Rae Kennedy, you get down here this instant and clean up this mess!" Hunnigan yelled at the bottom of the stairs, doing the "call the child by their full name"-thing mothers tended to do when they were angry about something. Hunnigan hadn't even realized she'd done it until she could practically hear her own mother's voice calling out to her that one time she'd been a child and broken a window and ran away from the scene without telling anyone.

Leon walked in and frowned at the sight of his wife standing there with her hands angrily on her hips, staring upstairs. Obviously their three year old had been up to no good.

"What's happening?" he frowned and paused to stand next to her and Hunnigan was about to respond when their daughter finally responded from upstairs.

"No! You'll yell at me!"  
"I'm already yelling at you!"

"Hun, what did she do?" Leon interrupted the screaming contest and Hunnigan sighed.  
"Two dozen eggs thrown in the living room, she's egging our house from within!" she scoffed at him.

"All right, okay, let's just... calm down. I'll talk to her and we'll clean it up, okay?"

When Leon finally managed to coax their daughter downstairs, Hunnigan crouched down and took the child's hands into her own.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry that I yelled at you, I didn't mean to get so upset. But, in the future, no more throwing eggs, all right?"

"I didn't know, you hadn't told me not to!" the girl argued and Leon barely stifled a chuckle, as did Hunnigan. It was too obvious this girl was her and Leon's child; there was fiery defiance and nonchalant refusal to accept blame inherited and learned from both of them.

"You know what, you're right, I hadn't," Hunnigan nodded, "but now you know, so you'll know not to do it in the future, right?"  
"This is how I learn," Leona agreed and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

"All right then, good," she said and pulled the girl into a hug, peppering the side of her face with tiny kisses and the child giggled.

"Now, go with daddy and help him clean, all right?" Hunnigan then asked.  
"Oh and kay," the girl said, using her own personal way of saying okay, and grabbed Leon's hand, leading him into the living room and to the mess she'd made earlier.

Unsurprisingly, Leon turned the chore into a game and soon enough, the girl was practically fighting over getting to clean the wall. Once they were done, it was Leona's bed time and Leon went to take her to bed. When he returned about twenty minutes later, he slumped onto the couch next to Hunnigan, only to realize he wouldn't be getting a break; Hunnigan placed her feet into his lap and poked at his abdomen with her toes, the gesture by now having become a familiar ritual for them both.

"So, how was your day?" he asked with a grin as he gripped her foot and ran his thumb along the arch of it a few times before proceeding to massage the heel.  
"Almost productive, mostly fun. How was yours?"

"Pretty much the same. Oh, and while I was training this one female agent, she grabbed my junk, and I swear it wasn't an accident."  
"Oh, lucky you," Hunnigan smirked, her tone sarcastic.

"You're telling me, I mean I've always been the envy of all the other instructors at the DSO academy because I get to give lessons in close combat to pretty young things," Leon trailed off, pretending to sigh dreamily and Hunnigan poked his chest with her toes again.

"I hope the pretty young things know they're grabbing at a married man who happens to be the father of two."  
"Yeah, I don't think they bother looking at whether I have a ri— wait, what? Two?" he stopped when Hunnigan's words sunk in.

"Six weeks," Hunnigan responded and patted her belly. A wide smile slowly spread on Leon's lips and he turned, practically lunging at her and kissed her hard.

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," he said after breaking the kiss with a resounding smack.  
"Mm, I'm still not convinced I can say the same about you, but you're definitely in the top three best things that have ever happened to me," she smirked.

"Knowing you, that is high praise and the best I could've hoped for anyway," Leon chuckled happily.


End file.
